on this grateful day

Its the 3rd of august… and its my birthday. its early and lately I’ve been slacking so today I finally splurged. I finally woke up, to write.. sounds kinda funny.. but in a weird type of way, I’ve been yearning to write for weeks. About what? I really don’t know, I just had to as they say, put pen to paper. (obviously not really as this is typed) I mentioned a second ago I’ve been slacking, and I have on many aspects of this endeavor. I haven’t published in forever. and I haven’t woken up on time in probably similar time. thats okay though, im not even upset about it. more or less im at peace with my slacking, because man.. have I been soaking up that family time!!

So why would I, on my birthday want to wake up early just to write. well I officially have only 10 years left. 10 years to financial independence, finally all the family times! but again im not upset nor am I going to even state I will start waking up this early again. which if im honest… I do miss it, theres a type of peace to it. its one of those you gotta try it to understand it type things. I also spoiled myself another way this morning… I put milk in my coffee! haha these little things I speak of honestly are amazing, I haven’t felt this great since my wedding night. Oh yea, I Married my best friend!! after a beautiful 6 years together, on our anniversary date, we finally tied the knot! long overdue and absolutely more perfect than anyone could have ever imagined! Im also kind of obsessed with my wedding ring. haha… although I’ve already scratched it up to hell, im a man, I work with my hands, I love everything it symbolizes and it looks great on that finger. as I say to my wife, id rather scratch it than take it off.

seriously though, I should put milk in my coffee more often, but I really do just like it black too. maybe today im just rambling but truthfully I don’t care, so anyway im here the morning essentially just releasing some stress, I’ve been looking for many outlets as of lately, its came to my attention that these little things that I splurge for, are the little things I truly enjoy doing. these things bring me peace and bring me a sense of resetting. its almost as if the things that I’ve neglected so long… are finally making their way back around.. im seeing old friends more, enjoying my family more, hell im working on cars again, man thats been really good for me. all the cuts and scratches on my hands and arms remind me I still got it. hell I completely derailed on the budget end and bought another project car (I havent touched it, opportunity knocked, and im polite). more or less in doing these things I see more of why I work so hard, its the extra effort put in now, that allows me the freedoms to slowly have time to spend with friends, family, writing, or even working on cars.

With realizing this, im thankful to finally start to see it full circle.. while I feel as I’ve lost some old friends, I’ve gained new ones, and the same goes for family. its not about what you have and don’t have, never will be, its about cherishing the very aspects of life, as they sit before you. I used to listen to older people talk about life this way, and other aspects of energy and fengshui I think? im starting to understand it , somehow I feel that once you start appreciating the now, your vision for the future becomes clearer, and the lessons from the past become altogether more important, I believe they call this maturity or some shit.

I guess thats pretty much it for today, no real sense of direction, no real plot or anything really. just rambling about the nothings of this lovely life.

im gonna do like a banana, and split.

4am road trip

Motherf$%@#!!! your wrench just slipped, knuckles straight to the bolt sticking out from the motor mount.. yep, that’s gonna hurt awhile. A little blood starts to seep from the wound, you wipe it off on your oily shirt, and get back at it. You feel a little pain every time you go to squeeze the wrench, right where you smacked that bolt. It’s kinda funny, in 3 weeks you’ll almost like the pain, in 6 weeks just a memory..

5:31am 3/20/19: As you can tell from my blogs, I usually start my day between 4-5am. Recently, I decided it must be 4am, and let me tell you, it hurt. Its not just 4am that hit me, our little girl got sick, so we all lost tons of sleep. I persisted, any day I could I would wake up as close to 4am as I could, I’m a couple weeks into my 4am journey. You’ve probably noticed by now, that I never said i actually woke up at 4am, and theres reasoning, because i didnt. duh..

the real measure of how great one can become is solely based on discipline, sacrifice, and risk. you see the wrench has slipped on me many many times. You literally look at this bolt and think, yep, you’re gonna win, im gonna bust my hand up, but you do it anyway.. now why in the hell would you do that anyway? Because it has to get done. 4am kinda feels that way to me, it hit me, it hurt, i knew it would, but i had to do it anyway. I dont necessarily think 4am is a prerequisite for greatness, but for me personally i do. so here i am slowly disciplining myself to get closer and closer each and everyday. my wife once said strive for progress, not perfection, thats really been hitting home lately. you see perfection is near impossible, but progress is undeniable. my sacrifice in this journey is sleep, i would for the most part i get 4-6 good restful hours of sleep a night, i wasnt sure if i could sustain it, but i seem to be doing great, just staying away from unhealthy food whenever possible. the risk… this is one that could potentially have many repercussions.. on one end eventually the lack of sleep could get to me and i could crash, not sure how likely, but it could happen i guess. The big one, i risk never giving my family the life they deserve, the life my wife and i have given up so much of, for this dream of financial independence. Im not sure about you, but thats daunting.

the discipline needed to start your day at 4am is ridiculous, and i think maybe the reason motivational speakers speak to this. its not the act of waking up that gets you started on the right foot, its the discipline to actually do it. Just like the bruise on your knuckle.. this pain will subside, you still gotta get the bolt off. Its takes alot to get back on that bolt after a smack like that, but the car needs repaired. 4am means i get to hear the first rooster crow, the trickle of the rain. the train way off in the distance, etc. I didnt dwell in the negative of 4am, i relished in the beauties of it, I’ve often times spoke of the amount of work i get done so early, but for now, lets forget about that, i once said that i hoped everyone got to see the world wake up just once, to really see it wake up.. its alot like my daughter, get a slow start but quickly is in full bloom! if you dont get the sweet spot you’ve missed it all, not in a negative way, but we can all attest to the beautiful morning cuddles your baby gives, then they’re off to explore just like that! when the world wakes up, the rooster lets every one know its time, then give it an hour or 2 and you get the rest rays of sunshine, its almost like he lets everyone know its time to get ready and see the sunrise, its a beautiful thing really. you see the small sacrifice of sleep and i get this beautiful start to everyday.

thats all folks

A Journey With No Destination

its about the journey, not the destination
maybe Ralph Waldo Emerson

kind of a bullshit quote right? no offense to my man Ralph, I’ve been on many adventures in my life, every single one had a definite destination. Why the use a quote I don’t like? simple.. it gives us an insight onto how we as sheeple think. when I used to on a cruise with my friends we would all meet up at the spot to head out, once there usually a cruise leader would let everyone know the route and final destination, it was not often we went out on a limb for just a cruise. you see the problem with just going with it, the cruise would end up with groups all throughout town. with a destination in mind we may all take separate paths, but would always end up in the same place. sure in this day and age we have cellphones and such to keep in touch with. but when you’re with a group of 5 or more high performance cars… people tend to look… and you tend to be stupid and reckless, so your phone was last of priorities.

3/7/19 5:20am- I seem to like starting off with some sort of relation to my past “car guy” life. why the excerpt? simple.. I feel like most of us truthfully believe that quote up top. everyone seems to be living day by day with no real regard to where they are going? sure it works for some, but for most, we look back and think I’ve wasted all this time. yesterday I felt more relieved and on track than I have felt for weeks, maybe months, and I truly believe it was because of the help of this blog. I came to the realization, that I need a definite plan, a definite destination.

As I sit here now 5:35am I sit with my coffee and soft country music playing in the background. its early the house is asleep.. and I think of that thought of a destination. for second the thought “Righty tighty, lefty loosey” pops into my head, what does that mean? it means theres a right way to do shit if you want to actually get shit done. if you need to tighten a bolt you turn right, loosen you guessed it, left. why did this pop into my head? well when one has a definite destination in mind, then typically we make conscious or unconscious decisions each and everyday that determine if we are getting closer or farther away from that destination. its funny, we all use the same excuses.. I don’t have time, I don’t have money, im to tired, im too busy.

Excuses, they are literally just that. they are the wrong turns to your destination, no they may not completely take you off track. but they will definitely slow you down, I tend use, I don’t have time or im too tired the most, I mean fuck, I work as a landscaper for a living, my work is physically exhausting. I come home typically around 7pm, I get 2 hours with my daughter while my amazing wife cooks us dinner, and then we sit down to eat as a family (my favorite thing to do of all time, no distractions, just family and food) then its cleanup time for both the kitchen and my daughter. by then its typically 8:30-9pm. its time for my daughters bed time. by this point im usually just plain tired. still, I make the greatest effort to dedicate at least 1 hour to just my wife, we tend to stare at our phones as its the only free time she’s had all day as well. no hate, its just to me.. that hour that we are staring at our phones.. that a left turn, or a speed bump I guess. speed bumps area car guys worst enemy! why do I say this, I feel the burning desire inside myself, I should be working… but I just want to relax, im tired.. there it is again.. im tired.. you see this hour may not seem like that big of a deal to most.. but that 5 hours in a m-f week, in those 5 hours I could have gotten a lot of work done.

theres nothing wrong with relaxing, im a huge proponent of relaxing, we need it. you see that speed bump ahead though, it slows me down from getting to my goal that much sooner, so what do I do to make up for that? I wake up between 4-5am everyday. or at least really really try, thats to early you may say, yet another excuse. you see life is simply made up of choices, most people tend to think that they are the victims of bad luck, or a black cloud follows them. truth be told, at some point somehow everything that happens to you good or bad is based off a choice you made at some point in our lives. between the hours of 5-6 am I get more work done than any other time of day. and even better I make better life choices throughout the day, but how? simple, anyone who has gone through a gym transformation has seen it in action. you wake up first thing and workout, then the rest of your day, eating health seems to just happen, the subconscious mind is already in a fit mood, its happy. I know this because I too have been on this journey. now I literally workout for a living or at least it feels like it.

so I’ve began this blog as a way for me to train and exercise my mind. you see I like to think im an intellectual human being, I have big dreams and big ideas. hell if my family found out about my blog they probably wouldn’t be surprised, but also wouldn’t read it. thats fine with me though. I get a lot of resistance from my family on my dreams and goals. I feel like thats the part of the car I can’t seem to sort out.. I feel as though I have all this potential and power.. but my suspension, or my support system, it just doesn’t get the job done. they don’t understand my thought process, they just see me being crazy, saying im stupid to dream so big. for the longest time I didn’t think this affected me.. I felt as though I could do anything against anyone. hell my dad has always been the biggest hater I had, not in a bad way, you see he was raised without a father, he never knew what I meant to be a dad, so he did the absolute best he could and raised an amazing family with six kids and wife of 38 years.. his way of pushing us was to put us down, he wanted us to prove him wrong, he almost begged for us to. and that has really always been the fuel I needed.. but up until now all my dreams were car related, he understood those.. now they’ve changed directions, and he no longer understands.. and just tells me to settle down..

I haven’t even started this chapter and im already teary eyed.. you see my dad has always been the tires to this car I talk about, when it comes down to it, the motor (me) can’t do anything without all its support pieces, much less be propelled forward without tires.. so why the sadness already.. well..Mi Pa tiene Cancer.. theres comes a point in a tires life when its just tired.. has no grip, and no matter how hard it may try.. it can’t hold air.. my dad is fighting for his life everyday.. and im fighting to keep going without him, without my tires.. as a man theres always people or men you look up to too help propel you in the right direction, but at some point one of the most critical parts, or people have to go weather by choice or by nature.. this is one of those thats not by choice.. but now I have a major choice to make.. or I guess I have to figure out a way to propel myself forward, to be my own tires.. the problem is.. no one ever prepares you for times like these.. its like a blowout.. it happens and when it does you have a couple choices, change the tire (given you have the tools) or sit and wait… well right now.. im sitting and waiting… crying at the unfortunate turn of events.. I know soon ill have to change that tire and get on my way, just like my father would..

the next few month of my life will be drastically changed, because I finally will have to say goodbye to that trusty pair of tires that have gotten me so far. ill have to make changes and make choices to adjust and to continue forward, just as my father did for us its for the sake of the family. I just hope the choices I make in the near future don’t derail me from that final destination. my dad was a trucker for 30+ years. he’s moved more of america than I could ever imagine.. and he can attest to every journey has a definite destination.. and every destination has an arrival time.. so he always planned his routes accordingly, thinking about all the wrong turns he made in the past. or where new construction areas where on the way, carefully avoiding them to make the most efficient and effective time for him travels.

just as he would plan his routes, calculate milage, calculate fuel cost and consumption… its my turn to make a plan.. while I sit and wait to change this pair of trusty tires.. I must carefully plan the course for my destination.. each and everyday inching closer and closer to that place… and im running out of time.. ill be 35 on august 3rd 2029. thats 3802 days to reach my destination… if I make only one right choice everyday to reach my goal thats 3,802 right decisions.. and thats closer than 3,801. so that day starts today.

thank you all for reading, gracias por tu tiempo

p.s. te amo pa.

How I lost my grip.

How did I pick this title? Well in the automotive world, when you start pushing the boundaries of what your vehicle can handle.. you run into the next problem in the chain, GRIP, you can produce all this power but without grip, one simply spins with all its power and actually get nowhere. Why i feel this title was appropriate is because in its whole entirety I’m a car guy, possibly relate more of my life to the automotive world than i should. AWESOME! so we got that out of the way. im a car guy with real life problems, and trying to find myself.

5:27am 3/6/19- this is the first excerpt of what will become many probably stupid blogs, the great thing is. this blog is for me, not you, but nonetheless i hope you find something in here that you can really resonate with and helps you move forward in life. I’m not a writer although ive always enjoyed it, im simply just good at doing physical work. It will probably bother many of how i write, if you have suggestions please do say so id love to improve. so anyway here i am, the wife and kid are asleep, this early is the only time i seem to really get to myself, life of a dad right? my name is Abel, im 24 and im lost. remember back to that first paragraph? well imagine im the car.. i feel as if im in my prime in how to grow a future for my family and i, but almost nomatter what i do i cant seem to get a grip and actually get anything done.. my father has said its because im constantly dreaming and that i need to focus on just one thing. the issue i feel i have is im running out of time, and im running out of motivation, everyone says having a kid you forget about your dreams… well i refuse to let that happen. yes i feel it getting harder and harder.. but even though i say i just need to push harder.. its much harder than i imagined.. not because i dont have a why, but more or less my why is more important than getting ahead. what is my why? my little girl, my wife, my family… my biggest fear? loosing my family while i try to build a better life for them.

i ended that last paragraph kinda rough huh? good, im sure most men that are doing everything they know how and missing out on countless hours with their family all feel the same way.. simple thought constantly in the back of their minds.. “this is all for you, i just hope you dont think it took too long.” so i guess after setting the stage for my hardest question i live with. ill tell you what im doing and why im struggling. as i said im 24 i have one beautiful daughter and an amazing wife, this woman pushes me beyond my limits everyday, in good ways. she believes i can achieve anything, and she gets my end goal.

RETIRE AT 35 WITH FINANCIAL FREEDOM

thats a crazy goal for a 24 year old. but i feel like i have no other choice, i dont want a lavish life, i just want to spend time doing what i want, when i want, with my family. My wife is crazy enough to believe that i can do this for us, thats why i love her!

so what am i doing. well a little about my past.. when i was 14 i started at this awesome vitamin store i was a simple employee, it was great, i stayed there until i was 22. by then i hated it and i was looking for something more from life, i decided it was time to grow. i left and started working outside in landscaping, that was a rough first year, but i loved every minute of it. but still.. i was searching for more, somehow the stars aligned and everything went south with that employment. luckily i had stashed away a little change. my older brother who also worked in the same company (my boss) had also lost his job and also had a little change saved. so what did we do? you guessed it, we started our own landscape business. Great! right? yep, it was magical, finally the more i had been searching for was here, i was building something, i wasnt working for someone, the problems started in our first winter.. things got tight of course they did its a seasonal business, then they got tighter.. i had to swallow my pride and move to my in-laws.. thats okay we thought, we can pay off debt(Debt: momma says thats the devil).. well here we are now.. 4 months in.. things got tighter of course.. weve paid off $200.. thats it.. but things seem to be getting worse… more power, no grip.. at this point i can feel the tensions in my family, my wife is tired of living here, im tired of living here, im tired of the debt, and im tired of getting nowhere. so what happens to your family when things get like this.. ill tell you… you tend to add more power.. get even less grip.. or as some people say, digging your grave deeper.. tensions are so high i am drunk three to four days a week. no problem right? wrong. that $15 4 times a week. $60 a week that could be going where? yep debt, but its hard.. when you cant get your mind right. i know its not an excuse. its up to no one but myself to make these changes. so here i am 24 business owner, father of 1, provider of 3, turning alcoholic…

Why is this happening i ask? im stronger than this.. i can create the life we desire.. i know i can, so what do i do? well that part im not sure, this was my first crack at a blog, i found the problem.. all power, no grip. i am starting this to help me get a clear head, maybe help my productivity, most of all im doing this as an outlet, trying to get these shit stresses of life out. im using this as a journal or record of who i so truly believe im supposed to be.. and how ill get there. one fight at a time.

thanks for reading, te agradesco mucho.