The Bottom

10.10.2019- 6:28am-

I’m at the office already… just changed out of my boots and into my regular ol brown hightops i picked up from the supermarket. Its been awhile since the last time i wrote. I guess I didnt start the way i usually do.. oh well. Get over it.

Today i did something that i told myself i would do like 2-3 years ago. i filmed a very small video. that i will edit and upload by next wednesday. I said i day, so that id actually do it. I read once that you need to learn how to appropriately account for time to see how much you’ll actually get done. Im slowly starting to understand that. I used to give myself 2-3 days to finish my bids.. ive started alotting a week, ive noticed customers are just as happy to hear a week as 2-3 days. Ive also noticed i actually finish bids on time and enjoying doing it more.

Im already talking about the business… its taking a toll on me.. the stress is at an ungodly level.. the title.. starting to make sense isnt it? Im sure we’ve all seen the graph on entrepreneurship, it goes up, then down, then up, then down, etc. then right before it goes up for good, it goes down.. and i mean WAY down… welp.. here we are.. the bottom. How am i feeling? Well like i said, im stressed.. but for some odd reason, im calm. its almost scary…

So what does the bottom look like.. ill tell ya. a whole lot of bills, i total lack of funds, and most of all.. many friends, and family all in the dark of how things look.. all depending and trusting in you.. thats the worst part.. all these people, who youve come to love in their own way.. all depending on you.. thats the absolute scariest part..

I dont know where i was going with this. I dont want you to think for one second we are quitting. hell no, remember the last part of that graph.. steady incline.. its soon.. they say the first 2 years is the hardest.. and man creeping in on the 2 year mark is getting hard.. not impossible.. just hard.

May we speak again mis amigos.

Its the struggles that inspire

8.20.2019-3:56pm

There comes  a time in every build..when you cant decide if its even worth continuing. You hit some sort of bullshit snag. A fitting that’s nearly impossible to find. A pipe that’s supposed to bend the complete other direction, or worst of all.. youre all out of money.. its funny when that happens, you enter into a trance per say… you sit and stare at that scratch going down the driverside of your rear bumper.. admitting defeat.. kick at the kitty litter you poured on the oil spill earlier.. just staring… wondering “What the actual fuck did I get myself into?” Its at that time when you contemplate.. do I cut my losses. This piece of shit mustang is never gonna run anyway. And then… in a glimpse of what only can be described as fate.. I swear the car fucking talks to you.. and says.. don’t give up on me.. those of you who know.. know. It’s a weird feeling.. so you get the fuck up and pick up a wrench. And on your way to the front of the car.. you caress that scratch on the rear bumper.. and now the only thought going through your mind is… one day, you’re going to be perfect.

If you didnt already notice, this one is written a little differently, its actually now 6:39am on august 30. a full 10 days later.. its dark and rainy today. its absolutely stunning if i do say so myself. i started this blog 10 days ago. the first time ever on a business trip, and i tried to write on the plane. it lasted all of 10 minutes.. and my laptop was dead, ill charge it when i land. that didnt happen either, not until the next day at least. i was so determined to write.. that it never happened. here i am now at my desk trying to put myself in the same state of mind when i began this.

shit gets hard man.. life has a way of pushing you down, some of you may not know the feeling, but those of us who are short sure do.. the feeling when someone taller than you pushes youre head down.. and you do nothing but crumble, it uncomfortable and can be painful. Well thats life, any opportunity it gets its squishes you down. making you fell as if you are nothing. worth nothing. at some point though.. you get tired of it, you decide that you no longer are going to put up with that type of abuse. seems like im getting off track right? E-brake bitch.

mid slide

Business is hard… that time when you almost want to give up. it happens to all of us.. it seems to hard.. or that theres no way forward. over a year ago my brother and i began our project car.. our business.. we started off ambitious, knowing damn well anything was possible, and i cant speak for him, but i know often times.. shit got hard in my head, and i wanted to give up. but i didnt.. id just look at my brother and id say we got this, not knowing how. its the same way i built my car, i know i can do it, but i dont have the first clue how. but this story isnt to focus on the down side here..

on august 20th i went on my very first business trip. you know what i did? i went to vegas and picked up two trucks. yep, what a trip it was. i know what you’re thinking.. i went to vegas and partied, well duh. heres how my days went

8/20-4:00am- im up and shower

4:30am-packing, baby was asleep and didnt pack night before(self-sabatoge)

5:30am- wake up wife, and get ready

7:00am- at the office and get to work

9:00am- in the car headed to texas

12:30pm- get to texas, plane leaves in 2.5hrs. fuck its dfw.

1:00pm- get to airport

3:00pm- plane ascending, trying to write,computer is dead

5:oopm- plane lands in vegas time change -2hrs, waiting on uncle

6:30pm- get to my uncles, i just want to shower

7:00pm- here have this alcohol, and shot.

8:00pm- fuck its already 10pm in my head….

8/21/2019

1:30am- way too drunk, fucking uncle didnt even let us eat before drinks… fuck it.. ill sleep on outdoor patio set…. where the fuck are the bugs?

6:30am- uncle finds us, annouces hes leaving in 15 min. i wake up and get ready. this nigga is always late.

7:45am-leaving his house, headed to his business.

8:15am- meeting his team, and getting good look at running operation, apprecaiting streamlined systems.

9:20am- leaving business headed to jobsite to meet with and brainstorm with team members on the field.

11:00am- arrive to old shop. check out if trucks are worth buying. this shop is fucking tiny… wash trucks, finally freedom!!

1:30pm- we are starving uncle calls, wait 20 for me… why? fuck.

im OVER this. it was hectic… i got a total of maybe 15 hours of sleep between the days of 8/20 and 8/23 worst part… 1200 mile drive back with 2 WORK trucks..

by this time i was exhausted.. but i was so thankful… only 1 year after starting our business journey, i was in vegas buy work trucks to grow my business… i know at some points.. i felt like giving up, but man am i glad i didnt.. the lack of sleep, lack of coordination, but the wealth of vision i gained was intense… i never gave up on my mustang.. and it ran! god damnit did she run. i did eventually sell her, for the sake of a future. Our little project of a business is finally starting to pay off.. the vegas trip was awesome. but i left out an even more important detail…

remember on 8/20 when i woke up my wife at 5:30am? yea she doesnt do that. early mornings are my thing, but damnit baby, we gotta get to texas. thats right.. i took her and my little girl to texas.. no i wasnt there.. but they got to go somewhere newish because of the business trip.. they arrived on 8/20 the plane flew out moments after we arrived to our texas destination. i barely said goodbye.. but i wasnt going back to oklahoma… i left 2 very very important people in my life in texas..

but wait theres more!!

i was supposed to arrive to texas on 8/23 around 8pm. rough guess. the majority of my family was also supposed to arrive to texas on 8/23. and my older brother and i were able to make it happen for them. it cost us like $500 to mobilize 13 people. thats NOTHING!! but my family isnt rich.. never have been. we arrived on 8/24 at 3:36am… but damnit.. my favorite people in the whole world were there.. in texas.. a tiny little getaway for a very big family. we all had our people. and all was right…

kinds crazy im excited about that.. but its because we didnt give up when shit got hard.. didnt get scared when we entered the unknown.. or at least did it anyway.. its because of that.. that damnit… this business ran!! Im looking forward to what this world has to offer.

my favorite quote of all time.. one my older brother has started to believe in..

You don’t lack resources, you lack resourcefulness.“- I dont care

on this grateful day

Its the 3rd of august… and its my birthday. its early and lately I’ve been slacking so today I finally splurged. I finally woke up, to write.. sounds kinda funny.. but in a weird type of way, I’ve been yearning to write for weeks. About what? I really don’t know, I just had to as they say, put pen to paper. (obviously not really as this is typed) I mentioned a second ago I’ve been slacking, and I have on many aspects of this endeavor. I haven’t published in forever. and I haven’t woken up on time in probably similar time. thats okay though, im not even upset about it. more or less im at peace with my slacking, because man.. have I been soaking up that family time!!

So why would I, on my birthday want to wake up early just to write. well I officially have only 10 years left. 10 years to financial independence, finally all the family times! but again im not upset nor am I going to even state I will start waking up this early again. which if im honest… I do miss it, theres a type of peace to it. its one of those you gotta try it to understand it type things. I also spoiled myself another way this morning… I put milk in my coffee! haha these little things I speak of honestly are amazing, I haven’t felt this great since my wedding night. Oh yea, I Married my best friend!! after a beautiful 6 years together, on our anniversary date, we finally tied the knot! long overdue and absolutely more perfect than anyone could have ever imagined! Im also kind of obsessed with my wedding ring. haha… although I’ve already scratched it up to hell, im a man, I work with my hands, I love everything it symbolizes and it looks great on that finger. as I say to my wife, id rather scratch it than take it off.

seriously though, I should put milk in my coffee more often, but I really do just like it black too. maybe today im just rambling but truthfully I don’t care, so anyway im here the morning essentially just releasing some stress, I’ve been looking for many outlets as of lately, its came to my attention that these little things that I splurge for, are the little things I truly enjoy doing. these things bring me peace and bring me a sense of resetting. its almost as if the things that I’ve neglected so long… are finally making their way back around.. im seeing old friends more, enjoying my family more, hell im working on cars again, man thats been really good for me. all the cuts and scratches on my hands and arms remind me I still got it. hell I completely derailed on the budget end and bought another project car (I havent touched it, opportunity knocked, and im polite). more or less in doing these things I see more of why I work so hard, its the extra effort put in now, that allows me the freedoms to slowly have time to spend with friends, family, writing, or even working on cars.

With realizing this, im thankful to finally start to see it full circle.. while I feel as I’ve lost some old friends, I’ve gained new ones, and the same goes for family. its not about what you have and don’t have, never will be, its about cherishing the very aspects of life, as they sit before you. I used to listen to older people talk about life this way, and other aspects of energy and fengshui I think? im starting to understand it , somehow I feel that once you start appreciating the now, your vision for the future becomes clearer, and the lessons from the past become altogether more important, I believe they call this maturity or some shit.

I guess thats pretty much it for today, no real sense of direction, no real plot or anything really. just rambling about the nothings of this lovely life.

im gonna do like a banana, and split.

4am road trip

Motherf$%@#!!! your wrench just slipped, knuckles straight to the bolt sticking out from the motor mount.. yep, that’s gonna hurt awhile. A little blood starts to seep from the wound, you wipe it off on your oily shirt, and get back at it. You feel a little pain every time you go to squeeze the wrench, right where you smacked that bolt. It’s kinda funny, in 3 weeks you’ll almost like the pain, in 6 weeks just a memory..

5:31am 3/20/19: As you can tell from my blogs, I usually start my day between 4-5am. Recently, I decided it must be 4am, and let me tell you, it hurt. Its not just 4am that hit me, our little girl got sick, so we all lost tons of sleep. I persisted, any day I could I would wake up as close to 4am as I could, I’m a couple weeks into my 4am journey. You’ve probably noticed by now, that I never said i actually woke up at 4am, and theres reasoning, because i didnt. duh..

the real measure of how great one can become is solely based on discipline, sacrifice, and risk. you see the wrench has slipped on me many many times. You literally look at this bolt and think, yep, you’re gonna win, im gonna bust my hand up, but you do it anyway.. now why in the hell would you do that anyway? Because it has to get done. 4am kinda feels that way to me, it hit me, it hurt, i knew it would, but i had to do it anyway. I dont necessarily think 4am is a prerequisite for greatness, but for me personally i do. so here i am slowly disciplining myself to get closer and closer each and everyday. my wife once said strive for progress, not perfection, thats really been hitting home lately. you see perfection is near impossible, but progress is undeniable. my sacrifice in this journey is sleep, i would for the most part i get 4-6 good restful hours of sleep a night, i wasnt sure if i could sustain it, but i seem to be doing great, just staying away from unhealthy food whenever possible. the risk… this is one that could potentially have many repercussions.. on one end eventually the lack of sleep could get to me and i could crash, not sure how likely, but it could happen i guess. The big one, i risk never giving my family the life they deserve, the life my wife and i have given up so much of, for this dream of financial independence. Im not sure about you, but thats daunting.

the discipline needed to start your day at 4am is ridiculous, and i think maybe the reason motivational speakers speak to this. its not the act of waking up that gets you started on the right foot, its the discipline to actually do it. Just like the bruise on your knuckle.. this pain will subside, you still gotta get the bolt off. Its takes alot to get back on that bolt after a smack like that, but the car needs repaired. 4am means i get to hear the first rooster crow, the trickle of the rain. the train way off in the distance, etc. I didnt dwell in the negative of 4am, i relished in the beauties of it, I’ve often times spoke of the amount of work i get done so early, but for now, lets forget about that, i once said that i hoped everyone got to see the world wake up just once, to really see it wake up.. its alot like my daughter, get a slow start but quickly is in full bloom! if you dont get the sweet spot you’ve missed it all, not in a negative way, but we can all attest to the beautiful morning cuddles your baby gives, then they’re off to explore just like that! when the world wakes up, the rooster lets every one know its time, then give it an hour or 2 and you get the rest rays of sunshine, its almost like he lets everyone know its time to get ready and see the sunrise, its a beautiful thing really. you see the small sacrifice of sleep and i get this beautiful start to everyday.

thats all folks

Time is Money

When we car guys set a vision, its time to start acquiring parts to complete this vision. lets say you want 600hp , well now its time to dissect that goal or vision, what parts will work best to get you to that dream. what parts arent worth the hassle or simply dont get you any closer to your goal. after this you start gathering.. slowing building a stockpile of parts just ready to be installed, once installed you get your car tuned and on the dyno and pray to the car guys, all your research and time has paid off to reach that goal.

5:25am 3/11/19- today i woke up earlier than usual, 4:08am, why though? well because i already knew what todays blog was about, im going to break down my goal, my final destination, ive said it multiple times, and ill continue to say it. In the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, they talk about how words become things, thoughts become things. so the more i say it, the more i believe it, the more the universe will somehow make it happen, of course this isnt without any type of effort on my part. what im doing is affirmations essentially, telling myself everyday that i have already achieved such goal, really believing it.

RETIRE AT 35 WITH FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE, i know what youre thinking, who the hell wants to retire at 35? what the fuck is financial independence? well let me break it down by answering the latter question first. Financial Independence, is this concept of having made proper investments to allow you enough passive cashflow to sustain the life you create for yourself. Say what? i know i thought the same thing too, but really its simple, everyone knows about stocks so ill use that one to start. all these numbers are hypothetical and for ease of math. lets say you have $100 left over after all your living expenses, you have two choices, to spend that $100 on some sort of consumerism product like entertainment, or in my case, yet another car part. or you could invest that $100 into some sort of dividend paying stock, my favorite being monthly payouts. what does this choice do, it puts your money to work for you, that $100 is now earning 5% payout on a monthly basis, so next month and every month after that you get an extra $5 that you dont have to work for, sure 5 dollars isnt much, but that will pay half of your netflix subscription forever. now lets say you have $200 in stocks, thats $10 now your subscription is fully paid by said stocks. again its only $10. until you break it down to being $120 a year. in 2 years, your money will have made $240 thus paying for your netflix account.

why is that important? simple, you didnt have to work for that $120 a year. you worked for the initial $200 and it worked for you since, it may still not seem like that big of a deal, so ill break it down to where it counts, TIME, you earn $12/hour at your day job, every year, you have to work 10 hours to afford paying for that netflix subscription, thats almost 1 extra hour a month, that you no longer have to earn but instead have put the money youve already made to earn it for you instead. this time starts to mean more and more as more responsibilities start to accrue with age. in that extra hour every month, i could do things i enjoy more, like watch 1 more netflix episode, or change your oil, or completely detail your car, you see the amount of fun you can complete in an hour is massive, why because youre having fun, and still making a living.

so first on the list,is to realize what your number is, my number? yep the amount of passive cashflow you need to sustain this life youve created, as i stated i moved in with my in-laws, so my number is lower now than it has been in years, whats my number, $1200 a month, thats next to nothing, of course the goal i have for when im 35 is much higher, the goal is starting small. Now ive started to enjoy breaking things down further, thats $40 a day roughly, i know none of us have a problem spending $40 a day, but earning that back at a job would take 3-4 hours, but the math doesnt add up, i have to work 20 hours to earn that $200 initially, and it only makes me $10. yep, but you see you only had to earn that $200 one time, and in 2 years that money has now earned more for you than the initial investment. its just that simple. or you could choose to work harder for the rest of your life to keep earning that $200. My first step in my journey was to cut costs, everywhere i could, i feel i could still cut more, but i started there.

first on the list to to tackle this debt ferociously, its not much, but its still hangs over our heads like a black cloud, you see all that money you pay to your debts is money youre working for, for someone else… that is no longer your money, thats the debtors money, youve effectively put yourself in the rat race. how? they knew more about money than you, its not our fault per say, i truly believe its the way we are raised in this beautiful land we call america, we are raised to be sheeple, to work our lives away earning a living, yet never really living, slaves to the system, how to break free. first debt free, then start your investment growth, just as debt seems to snowball into this big thing that almost irreversible, so is financial independence, once you get started it almost hard to stop it from growing, now no, i dont know this from personal experience, i know this because the math adds up.

so there it is, the simple way to never have to work a single day ever. now i said HAVE to work. i would be bored out of my mind if i didnt have anything to do, but what would you do if you had all the time in the world and never had to worry about paying your bills? ill tell you what id do, id spend hours with my family, soaking up every minute of growth with us, id read books, raise a farm, build another race car, hell id do anything i wanted, anytime i wanted.

I would work on my life goals.

just as one has to create time for the things one cares most about, one must first create the finances to live this life, because money is a tool, a tool one cannot live without, the one thing that will control your life if you let it… but you can also flip the script, and control your money to live the life you want.

so there it is, retiring to me simply means not having to work to live, but living my life and working on what means most to me.

until next TIME.

Vision In A Dream

my moma always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on

Forest Gump

Well this one is going to be a little different, something came to me in a sense. no im not some visionary or some guru, i simply had a dream and i believe there may be a deeper meaning to this. just as every car guy knows.. when one buys a car, they wait… patiently waiting for a vision to appear as to what this car will be. none of us really know where it starts or where it will end. but we know the vision is used as a guide as to how they will build their very own expressions of themselves in such cars.

11:16am 3/9/19- a little late start today.. i had a crazy dream last night.. so i will tell you about it and proceed to tell you what i believe it means, bear with me on this one. as we all know dreams are a bit crazy.

i dont exactly remember where it starts, but i remember what i remember.. i somehow ended up being bullied, struck down surrounded by many, then this one person, of no name or face.. procedes to hit me.. he soon leaves, as i lay there on the ground, a burning rage begins in my stomach, i soon get up.. then i somehow start speaking to a man and telling him i want to get my revenge.. he tells me “you will one day get your chance to strike back” next thing i remember im riding in a car.. when all of a sudden i get pushed out.. im rolling for what seems like ages.. when i get up, i realize where im laying. in my home town its by a little smokeshop just outside of town, i look towards town.. realizing today there is a 5k race going on just over the old yellow pedestrian bridge across the river. suddenly i begin to run towards town. just running and running, seemingly never tiring. i run 3 miles before reaching the crowd of runners waiting for the start signal.. i continue running by them.. i reach the front of the pack.. and i see a woman and a man. eagerly waiting to go.. i run straight past them, looking back only to say “what are you waiting for? lets just go for it” i run towards the left side of the road, by now empty awaiting runners.. i cross the runner path and i hear over the loud speaker.. “disqualification, early start 3 runners” i look back.. they didnt wait and theyre right behind me. i continue running, just as i reach the yellow bridge, i feel myself getting hot and suddenly realize i am wearing a backpack. so i shrug it off, never slowing down.. suddenly i feel much cooler, lighter, and so so much faster. still i run, this energy seems to come from nowhere. i soon run the whole race reaching the finish much earlier than all the other competitors, obiviously i didnt wait for the go. when i reach the end i feel this sense of freedom, this sense of relief for i had just ran approximately 7 miles and still im not tired or exhuasted.

thats it. next thing i know im awake. so why does this dream seem to resonate to me? i frankly dont know.. but ill tell what today has already taught me.. i believe that bully… thats life… you see i never got my revenge, nor did i feel i needed it at the end of the race, i was relieved. life will always find a way to push you down, but somehow we always manage to get back up and keep on going.. this bully had no face or name.. just as life never has a surefire way of knocking you down. i was bruised and broken, but i still got up.

looking down that road when i got pushed out of the car.. i knew where i was, but not immediately remembered the 5k race. it was only after i remembered i began to run, though i knew i wasnt registered, i still ran. i knew the beginning of the race, and the ending of the race, the race everyone else was running, never once thinking about what i had just been through. i just ran. what i did know.. the destination. you see i know the destination or this real life race im running… ill say it again RETIRE AT 35 WITH FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE. i have a destination… and now im running.

i stated in my first blog that i felt i was becoming an alcoholic… i dont really believe that… i believe thats the man telling me one day ill have a chance to strike. you see this man at the time seems to be telling me exactly what i want to hear.. to strike, to seek revenge.. but this man does not know what i have been through.. at the time i leave him.. so does his advice.. my wife brought to my attention that we do occasionally drink but never excessively. and i need not worry. she is right, looking back we do, as i feel most of us do.. when life beats us down.. we look for something or something to take away the pain..

then the next i remember is me running.. i believe this blog to be me running.. it helps me see my destination is bigger picture, it helps to guide me in the direction i need to be going. one step at a time. as i reach the end of this blog everyday, i feel relieved, and free. you see i believe this blog has helped me to realize im carrying baggage as i realized in on the bridge… that baggage i feel weighing me down.. i believe that to be depression.. this blog is helping me shed that baggage. im not sure who that man or woman who followed mean or who they were. or the mass crowds of runners waiting for a go. nor do i care , today i realized i have been depressed and im getting rid of this baggage.

Ive been struggling to figure out what this blog would be about.. and ive yet to really figure it out, originally it was supposed to be about my journey for financial independence, while i still plan on it being about that, so i can help guide more people through this journey as written by my own experiences, as of late it seems to be more of a discovery of myself. this blog is a journey for which i do not have a destination yet. its a car i just bought, im still learning it, and im slowly starting to see the vision. hang tight, its gonna be a fun ride!

hasta luego

A Journey With No Destination

its about the journey, not the destination

maybe Ralph Waldo Emerson

kind of a bullshit quote right? no offense to my man Ralph, I’ve been on many adventures in my life, every single one had a definite destination. Why the use a quote I don’t like? simple.. it gives us an insight onto how we as sheeple think. when I used to on a cruise with my friends we would all meet up at the spot to head out, once there usually a cruise leader would let everyone know the route and final destination, it was not often we went out on a limb for just a cruise. you see the problem with just going with it, the cruise would end up with groups all throughout town. with a destination in mind we may all take separate paths, but would always end up in the same place. sure in this day and age we have cellphones and such to keep in touch with. but when you’re with a group of 5 or more high performance cars… people tend to look… and you tend to be stupid and reckless, so your phone was last of priorities.

3/7/19 5:20am- I seem to like starting off with some sort of relation to my past “car guy” life. why the excerpt? simple.. I feel like most of us truthfully believe that quote up top. everyone seems to be living day by day with no real regard to where they are going? sure it works for some, but for most, we look back and think I’ve wasted all this time. yesterday I felt more relieved and on track than I have felt for weeks, maybe months, and I truly believe it was because of the help of this blog. I came to the realization, that I need a definite plan, a definite destination.

As I sit here now 5:35am I sit with my coffee and soft country music playing in the background. its early the house is asleep.. and I think of that thought of a destination. for second the thought “Righty tighty, lefty loosey” pops into my head, what does that mean? it means theres a right way to do shit if you want to actually get shit done. if you need to tighten a bolt you turn right, loosen you guessed it, left. why did this pop into my head? well when one has a definite destination in mind, then typically we make conscious or unconscious decisions each and everyday that determine if we are getting closer or farther away from that destination. its funny, we all use the same excuses.. I don’t have time, I don’t have money, im to tired, im too busy.

Excuses, they are literally just that. they are the wrong turns to your destination, no they may not completely take you off track. but they will definitely slow you down, I tend use, I don’t have time or im too tired the most, I mean fuck, I work as a landscaper for a living, my work is physically exhausting. I come home typically around 7pm, I get 2 hours with my daughter while my amazing wife cooks us dinner, and then we sit down to eat as a family (my favorite thing to do of all time, no distractions, just family and food) then its cleanup time for both the kitchen and my daughter. by then its typically 8:30-9pm. its time for my daughters bed time. by this point im usually just plain tired. still, I make the greatest effort to dedicate at least 1 hour to just my wife, we tend to stare at our phones as its the only free time she’s had all day as well. no hate, its just to me.. that hour that we are staring at our phones.. that a left turn, or a speed bump I guess. speed bumps area car guys worst enemy! why do I say this, I feel the burning desire inside myself, I should be working… but I just want to relax, im tired.. there it is again.. im tired.. you see this hour may not seem like that big of a deal to most.. but that 5 hours in a m-f week, in those 5 hours I could have gotten a lot of work done.

theres nothing wrong with relaxing, im a huge proponent of relaxing, we need it. you see that speed bump ahead though, it slows me down from getting to my goal that much sooner, so what do I do to make up for that? I wake up between 4-5am everyday. or at least really really try, thats to early you may say, yet another excuse. you see life is simply made up of choices, most people tend to think that they are the victims of bad luck, or a black cloud follows them. truth be told, at some point somehow everything that happens to you good or bad is based off a choice you made at some point in our lives. between the hours of 5-6 am I get more work done than any other time of day. and even better I make better life choices throughout the day, but how? simple, anyone who has gone through a gym transformation has seen it in action. you wake up first thing and workout, then the rest of your day, eating health seems to just happen, the subconscious mind is already in a fit mood, its happy. I know this because I too have been on this journey. now I literally workout for a living or at least it feels like it.

so I’ve began this blog as a way for me to train and exercise my mind. you see I like to think im an intellectual human being, I have big dreams and big ideas. hell if my family found out about my blog they probably wouldn’t be surprised, but also wouldn’t read it. thats fine with me though. I get a lot of resistance from my family on my dreams and goals. I feel like thats the part of the car I can’t seem to sort out.. I feel as though I have all this potential and power.. but my suspension, or my support system, it just doesn’t get the job done. they don’t understand my thought process, they just see me being crazy, saying im stupid to dream so big. for the longest time I didn’t think this affected me.. I felt as though I could do anything against anyone. hell my dad has always been the biggest hater I had, not in a bad way, you see he was raised without a father, he never knew what I meant to be a dad, so he did the absolute best he could and raised an amazing family with six kids and wife of 38 years.. his way of pushing us was to put us down, he wanted us to prove him wrong, he almost begged for us to. and that has really always been the fuel I needed.. but up until now all my dreams were car related, he understood those.. now they’ve changed directions, and he no longer understands.. and just tells me to settle down..

I haven’t even started this chapter and im already teary eyed.. you see my dad has always been the tires to this car I talk about, when it comes down to it, the motor (me) can’t do anything without all its support pieces, much less be propelled forward without tires.. so why the sadness already.. well..Mi Pa tiene Cancer.. theres comes a point in a tires life when its just tired.. has no grip, and no matter how hard it may try.. it can’t hold air.. my dad is fighting for his life everyday.. and im fighting to keep going without him, without my tires.. as a man theres always people or men you look up to too help propel you in the right direction, but at some point one of the most critical parts, or people have to go weather by choice or by nature.. this is one of those thats not by choice.. but now I have a major choice to make.. or I guess I have to figure out a way to propel myself forward, to be my own tires.. the problem is.. no one ever prepares you for times like these.. its like a blowout.. it happens and when it does you have a couple choices, change the tire (given you have the tools) or sit and wait… well right now.. im sitting and waiting… crying at the unfortunate turn of events.. I know soon ill have to change that tire and get on my way, just like my father would..

the next few month of my life will be drastically changed, because I finally will have to say goodbye to that trusty pair of tires that have gotten me so far. ill have to make changes and make choices to adjust and to continue forward, just as my father did for us its for the sake of the family. I just hope the choices I make in the near future don’t derail me from that final destination. my dad was a trucker for 30+ years. he’s moved more of america than I could ever imagine.. and he can attest to every journey has a definite destination.. and every destination has an arrival time.. so he always planned his routes accordingly, thinking about all the wrong turns he made in the past. or where new construction areas where on the way, carefully avoiding them to make the most efficient and effective time for him travels.

just as he would plan his routes, calculate milage, calculate fuel cost and consumption… its my turn to make a plan.. while I sit and wait to change this pair of trusty tires.. I must carefully plan the course for my destination.. each and everyday inching closer and closer to that place… and im running out of time.. ill be 35 on august 3rd 2029. thats 3802 days to reach my destination… if I make only one right choice everyday to reach my goal thats 3,802 right decisions.. and thats closer than 3,801. so that day starts today.

thank you all for reading, gracias por tu tiempo

p.s. te amo pa.


How I lost my grip.

How did I pick this title? Well in the automotive world, when you start pushing the boundaries of what your vehicle can handle.. you run into the next problem in the chain, GRIP, you can produce all this power but without grip, one simply spins with all its power and actually get nowhere. Why i feel this title was appropriate is because in its whole entirety I’m a car guy, possibly relate more of my life to the automotive world than i should. AWESOME! so we got that out of the way. im a car guy with real life problems, and trying to find myself.

5:27am 3/6/19- this is the first excerpt of what will become many probably stupid blogs, the great thing is. this blog is for me, not you, but nonetheless i hope you find something in here that you can really resonate with and helps you move forward in life. I’m not a writer although ive always enjoyed it, im simply just good at doing physical work. It will probably bother many of how i write, if you have suggestions please do say so id love to improve. so anyway here i am, the wife and kid are asleep, this early is the only time i seem to really get to myself, life of a dad right? my name is Abel, im 24 and im lost. remember back to that first paragraph? well imagine im the car.. i feel as if im in my prime in how to grow a future for my family and i, but almost nomatter what i do i cant seem to get a grip and actually get anything done.. my father has said its because im constantly dreaming and that i need to focus on just one thing. the issue i feel i have is im running out of time, and im running out of motivation, everyone says having a kid you forget about your dreams… well i refuse to let that happen. yes i feel it getting harder and harder.. but even though i say i just need to push harder.. its much harder than i imagined.. not because i dont have a why, but more or less my why is more important than getting ahead. what is my why? my little girl, my wife, my family… my biggest fear? loosing my family while i try to build a better life for them.

i ended that last paragraph kinda rough huh? good, im sure most men that are doing everything they know how and missing out on countless hours with their family all feel the same way.. simple thought constantly in the back of their minds.. “this is all for you, i just hope you dont think it took too long.” so i guess after setting the stage for my hardest question i live with. ill tell you what im doing and why im struggling. as i said im 24 i have one beautiful daughter and an amazing wife, this woman pushes me beyond my limits everyday, in good ways. she believes i can achieve anything, and she gets my end goal.

RETIRE AT 35 WITH FINANCIAL FREEDOM

thats a crazy goal for a 24 year old. but i feel like i have no other choice, i dont want a lavish life, i just want to spend time doing what i want, when i want, with my family. My wife is crazy enough to believe that i can do this for us, thats why i love her!

so what am i doing. well a little about my past.. when i was 14 i started at this awesome vitamin store i was a simple employee, it was great, i stayed there until i was 22. by then i hated it and i was looking for something more from life, i decided it was time to grow. i left and started working outside in landscaping, that was a rough first year, but i loved every minute of it. but still.. i was searching for more, somehow the stars aligned and everything went south with that employment. luckily i had stashed away a little change. my older brother who also worked in the same company (my boss) had also lost his job and also had a little change saved. so what did we do? you guessed it, we started our own landscape business. Great! right? yep, it was magical, finally the more i had been searching for was here, i was building something, i wasnt working for someone, the problems started in our first winter.. things got tight of course they did its a seasonal business, then they got tighter.. i had to swallow my pride and move to my in-laws.. thats okay we thought, we can pay off debt(Debt: momma says thats the devil).. well here we are now.. 4 months in.. things got tighter of course.. weve paid off $200.. thats it.. but things seem to be getting worse… more power, no grip.. at this point i can feel the tensions in my family, my wife is tired of living here, im tired of living here, im tired of the debt, and im tired of getting nowhere. so what happens to your family when things get like this.. ill tell you… you tend to add more power.. get even less grip.. or as some people say, digging your grave deeper.. tensions are so high i am drunk three to four days a week. no problem right? wrong. that $15 4 times a week. $60 a week that could be going where? yep debt, but its hard.. when you cant get your mind right. i know its not an excuse. its up to no one but myself to make these changes. so here i am 24 business owner, father of 1, provider of 3, turning alcoholic…

Why is this happening i ask? im stronger than this.. i can create the life we desire.. i know i can, so what do i do? well that part im not sure, this was my first crack at a blog, i found the problem.. all power, no grip. i am starting this to help me get a clear head, maybe help my productivity, most of all im doing this as an outlet, trying to get these shit stresses of life out. im using this as a journal or record of who i so truly believe im supposed to be.. and how ill get there. one fight at a time.

thanks for reading, te agradesco mucho.