my moma always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on
Forest Gump
Well this one is going to be a little different, something came to me in a sense. no im not some visionary or some guru, i simply had a dream and i believe there may be a deeper meaning to this. just as every car guy knows.. when one buys a car, they wait… patiently waiting for a vision to appear as to what this car will be. none of us really know where it starts or where it will end. but we know the vision is used as a guide as to how they will build their very own expressions of themselves in such cars.
11:16am 3/9/19- a little late start today.. i had a crazy dream last night.. so i will tell you about it and proceed to tell you what i believe it means, bear with me on this one. as we all know dreams are a bit crazy.
i dont exactly remember where it starts, but i remember what i remember.. i somehow ended up being bullied, struck down surrounded by many, then this one person, of no name or face.. procedes to hit me.. he soon leaves, as i lay there on the ground, a burning rage begins in my stomach, i soon get up.. then i somehow start speaking to a man and telling him i want to get my revenge.. he tells me “you will one day get your chance to strike back” next thing i remember im riding in a car.. when all of a sudden i get pushed out.. im rolling for what seems like ages.. when i get up, i realize where im laying. in my home town its by a little smokeshop just outside of town, i look towards town.. realizing today there is a 5k race going on just over the old yellow pedestrian bridge across the river. suddenly i begin to run towards town. just running and running, seemingly never tiring. i run 3 miles before reaching the crowd of runners waiting for the start signal.. i continue running by them.. i reach the front of the pack.. and i see a woman and a man. eagerly waiting to go.. i run straight past them, looking back only to say “what are you waiting for? lets just go for it” i run towards the left side of the road, by now empty awaiting runners.. i cross the runner path and i hear over the loud speaker.. “disqualification, early start 3 runners” i look back.. they didnt wait and theyre right behind me. i continue running, just as i reach the yellow bridge, i feel myself getting hot and suddenly realize i am wearing a backpack. so i shrug it off, never slowing down.. suddenly i feel much cooler, lighter, and so so much faster. still i run, this energy seems to come from nowhere. i soon run the whole race reaching the finish much earlier than all the other competitors, obiviously i didnt wait for the go. when i reach the end i feel this sense of freedom, this sense of relief for i had just ran approximately 7 miles and still im not tired or exhuasted.
thats it. next thing i know im awake. so why does this dream seem to resonate to me? i frankly dont know.. but ill tell what today has already taught me.. i believe that bully… thats life… you see i never got my revenge, nor did i feel i needed it at the end of the race, i was relieved. life will always find a way to push you down, but somehow we always manage to get back up and keep on going.. this bully had no face or name.. just as life never has a surefire way of knocking you down. i was bruised and broken, but i still got up.
looking down that road when i got pushed out of the car.. i knew where i was, but not immediately remembered the 5k race. it was only after i remembered i began to run, though i knew i wasnt registered, i still ran. i knew the beginning of the race, and the ending of the race, the race everyone else was running, never once thinking about what i had just been through. i just ran. what i did know.. the destination. you see i know the destination or this real life race im running… ill say it again RETIRE AT 35 WITH FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE. i have a destination… and now im running.
i stated in my first blog that i felt i was becoming an alcoholic… i dont really believe that… i believe thats the man telling me one day ill have a chance to strike. you see this man at the time seems to be telling me exactly what i want to hear.. to strike, to seek revenge.. but this man does not know what i have been through.. at the time i leave him.. so does his advice.. my wife brought to my attention that we do occasionally drink but never excessively. and i need not worry. she is right, looking back we do, as i feel most of us do.. when life beats us down.. we look for something or something to take away the pain..
then the next i remember is me running.. i believe this blog to be me running.. it helps me see my destination is bigger picture, it helps to guide me in the direction i need to be going. one step at a time. as i reach the end of this blog everyday, i feel relieved, and free. you see i believe this blog has helped me to realize im carrying baggage as i realized in on the bridge… that baggage i feel weighing me down.. i believe that to be depression.. this blog is helping me shed that baggage. im not sure who that man or woman who followed mean or who they were. or the mass crowds of runners waiting for a go. nor do i care , today i realized i have been depressed and im getting rid of this baggage.
Ive been struggling to figure out what this blog would be about.. and ive yet to really figure it out, originally it was supposed to be about my journey for financial independence, while i still plan on it being about that, so i can help guide more people through this journey as written by my own experiences, as of late it seems to be more of a discovery of myself. this blog is a journey for which i do not have a destination yet. its a car i just bought, im still learning it, and im slowly starting to see the vision. hang tight, its gonna be a fun ride!
hasta luego
Getting a Grip 